Pregnancy Surprise … What to Do?

Surprise Pregnancy, what to do? Difficult to answer. Because every woman has a story and a context. What to one is pure joy (even caught off guard!), to another can be sadness, fear, loneliness. Imagine then conceive of the third child, without waiting, and if-pa-ra-da??? A reader work with us and asked for help. A complicated situation, which made me want to give her a hug, and also call someone more “specialized” to give an opinion.

Hello beautiful I really liked what I read on your blog!
I wanted to share a little of what I’ve been through and it hasn’t been easy. I have 23 years, I’m a mom of two princesses, Ana Clara (6) and Ana Julia (3), and found q’m pregnant about 5 weeks! I’m desperate! Because I’ve always dreamed of having a boy! But not now, because I’m unemployed and I’m separated, and I know very well how hard it is to play the role of father and mother. But I also know that I should have been more careful, since I didn’t want to, and gave soft. But yet to complete, I have past hurt like never before, my head hurts too much, I can’t get out of bed that all wheel, dizziness, low blood pressure … It’s all very difficult, off the mixture of feelings: fear, shame, and I can’t rejoice with this pregnancy. I think it’s more for the situation, because I know q son’s blessing from God! But it’s been very hard to accept, I feel alone because he couldn’t tell anyone, even family, for fear of judgment. I’m tormented!

Damn … Instead of saying anything, I just want to convey all the good energy for you. And you want to take it easy, wisdom and patience get this baby with great joy! Now, who’s going to speak, or rather, who answered everything and a bit more about this kind of situation was the Darshana Fernanda Siqueira da Silva, a psychologist who helped us better understand the famous Baby Blues. If you know more moms who are going through or have been through something, share!

By Aline …

The gestation period is of course seen, regarding emotional aspects, as a period of crisis. That says a lot. Right now, it’s very natural that the crisis arises related to identity, because it assumed a new role, among the many that you already had.

Crises are times when live everything very ambivalent, i.e. opposite feelings are in a great dance … Sometimes women feel happy, sometimes sad and everything is natural. In pregnancy, the hormones help a lot in this apparent mismatch emotional, that’s why women often feel that they are “going crazy”.

I believe that pregnancy is a time that women should turn their eyes to themselves more than ever! You need to think about what you’re feeling, what you want and what you don’t want, and try to at least worry about your well-being, disconnecting the external trials, fears and all the guilt you make so present during this period.

The importance of the support network:

Is this network that will support for all this mix of feelings. Women often feel abandoned in the period of pregnancy, sometimes believe that they cannot count on anyone, with family and friends. Ideally, by which reasons are, the woman has their safe havens, friends who were distant, that familiar closer or even a professional support – so we can talk about all that ails and so be able to prepare better. This affective channel support greater tranquility and less helplessness to cope with this period.

If every pregnancy is a crisis, an unplanned pregnancy is a bigger crisis?

Not necessarily. The big difference is that when the pregnancy was not planned, the tendency to despair can be increased, for example, for not thinking of/controlled the variables involved in having a pregnancy at that time. On the other hand, often when we planned the pregnancy, anxiety can come just by thinking too much in these variables.

I believe that one of the cherries from the cake of unplanned pregnancy is an intense feeling of guilt and often that sentiment is the gateway to all other concerns and consequently to more intense somatizações. The somatizações are situations where our psychic/emotional energy is directed to our physical body and so the body externalizes our clutter with symptoms such as nausea, blood pressure out of Compass, severe headaches, among many other clinical situations with maternity makeup.

So what is the secret to all this turmoil?

The secret is to believe in your potential as a mother and wife. A path that may seem painful but brings good fruit is to contact feelings, is fear, shame, guilt or any other that is present during this period. Not facing these negative feelings or enemies, after all they are part of you and must be understood not repelled. We have to allow ourselves to feel instead of in police and punish us for having these feelings, when we allow ourselves to open channel to give vent things that are unresolved and many times we have improved even in somatizações, because we can externalize the “slipstream” more healthy.

I hope I have been able to help in some way, and I’m open to more questions or clarifications.

I also hope! Can help all women who are pregnant by surprise – or not!

Kisses and Aline =)

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