I’m not pregnant. The only blue list of pharmacy test showed. Then, the blood test. As that feeling of “not to be” is bad…
First of all, I’m not trying to get pregnant. Yet. But I could be a pregnant woman, in front of the contraceptive methods used (or not) for months. I stopped taking the pill because she was hurting me, but I’m firmly in the “rhythm method” and etc. Get pregnant I want, but plans are to in a few months. Now, let’s go back to the beginning?
A month ago, I was sure she was pregnant. All possible symptoms, including that crazy desire to go to the bathroom all the time with maternity lingerie. Of 2 1: or was pregnancy or was urine infection. I decided to do the urine test right, urgent, why not give more to endure the hassle, and because by then I was believing you’re not pregnant. Was negative. Ihhh… I spent cogitar pregnancy.
Hubby stared at the fright (he’s thinking about the second …), and pale with a smile of corner of mouth got stubborn in taking care of the whole face. I laughed, and I was afraid at the same time. But I was there, all brave and faithful in the little thing. Pharmacy exam the next day, on the first morning Pee and … negative. I didn’t even expect another even. Only that the nuisance continued, and my gums bled every tooth brushed, symptom I had in pregnancy of Leo. Cramping, sore breasts and such. My cousin, gynecologist, guided by phone: “Bia, the symptoms you described, there’s a good chance that you are pregnant! Does a blood test “. And off I went. Asked at the lab. urgency
I’m not trying to, but the truth is that the possibility of being pregnant made me happy. I was also scared. All that weight of responsibility to generate a life again. I’ve thought in Leo, what it would be like to break the news to him that asks for a brother! I imagined the family to 4, with a new coming. The routine, the diapers, the stroller that I’d like to change, work, money, my body. On the bright side. And a little bit of work. And the good side again. And again. And …
I went to get the exam with Leo, heart in mouth. I didn’t say to the husband who would be ready the same day because I’ve imagined making a surprise to tell the news that, Yes, I was sure to carry! Take the envelope. To help me on the lump in my throat, I wouldn’t have written negative or positive, but a few numbers and a statement saying above both was positive and below was negative. Mix the breath thoughts, I try not to demonstrate or to my son or the receptionist my anxiety, and do some slow connections between my neurons afflicted to see: negative.
It hurt. I went home feeling empty. And trying, once again, disguise to Leo, who, of course, filled me. Whined. I was quiet, quiet, like an animal’s right, instinctively feeling the lack of a baby in my belly. As much as I didn’t want to at that moment, that way not planned, I would be very happy. And I tristinh. Amoada.
Now tell me, how do women want to get pregnant and can’t? How to digest the pain? On me, it hurt a little, and went fast. But what about them? I couldn’t think of anything else. And I can’t help but wish that all be strong while not pregnant, and soon get pregnet.
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